Hello, Goodbye, and Hello Again :)

Hey all you beautiful ladies :)
I will be deleting this page, but I am now posting under the same name, at www.iamthechangeinme.blogspot.com  so please come and visit me there, where I am undertaking the challenge of a 60 day juice fast to regain my health and my belief that ANYTHING is possible if you put your mind to it :)

I love you all dearly, and appreciate all of your kind words.
Hope to see you soon :)

mmmwuah!
xoxo
Daisy <3 p="">

sweet dreams are made of these...

i cant sleep again. which really sucks because i have to be up early so i can meet K for our workout. today i hauled my fat disgusting self up and jogged four miles, i wore a trash bag as usual to ensure sweating. by the time we were done i was completely covered and feeling great.i finished all 100 oz of water today and kept it under 1000 as promised. i had a small bowl of chicken noodle soup for breakfast after my morning coffee. at 4:30 i made a piece of grilled chicken and some steamed broccoli for dinner and after my process technology class i ate a yogurt with some chopped unsalted peanuts for a little extra protein so maybe i wont be as sore tomorrow. i know that it will go away the longer i keep up with this. i just want to feel good about myself on my wedding day, standing up in front of all of my family and friends. its time to take back my body. i just want to feel pretty in my own skin . i'm going to make this happen if it fucking kills me. i hope that you are all doing well. weigh in on saturday! i'd lost four pounds last weigh in so lets hope this next one goes as well. i've really been working my ass off so i'm hoping for big progress.

will post again soon lovelys
sweet dreams...
xoxo
daisy <3 p="">

a quick update

Good afternoon ladies.
i'm sorry it's been so long. between school, work, taking care of the house and dealing with mommy dearest things have been hectic to say the least.

my sides are sore after the workout yesterday, but surprisingly my legs feel fine despite the three mile run before that. been keeping the calories to below 1000 and drinking 100 oz of water a day. losing fairly quick now that i'm committed. not sure exactly how much because i havent weighed in a while. i'm trying not to discourage myself by weighing every day. if i dont lose exactly what im hoping to lose i'll just get depressed. i'm gonna stay strong this time if it kills me. i have to find that strength that i know is in there. i found it before, and i can find it again. decided to bring my best friend in on it to make it a friendly competition. gonna be doing the Master Cleanse next week for a couple of days. Anyone wanna join?

Classes have been taking over my entire week since the semester started last week. i already have so much homework. 2 essays and 3 chapters worth of review questions to do.

Other than that my life is about the same. just been focusing all of my extra energy into trying to lose all of this "happy weight" ive gained since moving in with D.

Things between us have been fairly good lately. our 3 year anniversary is coming up the first day of may. Going to Houston to see a tribute Beatles band and spend the night in a hotel. Should be fun :)

been working on decorating the living room, i'll post a few pictures of my progress soon :)

keep your fingers crossed for me please :)

will post again soon
xoxoxo
amy <3 p="">

Moment of Silence...

well...we made it to the end of the last Mayan calender cycle. How do we all feel?

They had a moment of silence this morning for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. 20 beautiful children and 6 women who's families have to bury them not even a week before Christmas. I swear I sat there and balled like a baby. Those poor parents...

There is a special place in Hell for people that decide shoot up Elementary Schools, and movie theaters, and places of worship because they feel cheated in life and are having a bad day.

Hug your families today ladies. Moms, Dads, and babies :)

lots of love to everyone
xoxo
daisy

...And we all fall down

i've quarantined myself in the house with my kitty for the past 2 days. i've been in my pajamas and my messy hair and i haven't called anyone or talked to anyone other than D and my uncle.

It's so much less complicated in here. Here i don't have to be constantly looking over my shoulder wondering what the people behind my back are saying about me. Everywhere i go, i'm constantly obsessed with whether people are looking at me and wondering why i would go into public with as fat and disgusting as i am. Most days i don't even feel like it's worth it to roll myself out of bed.

I don't think i've ever hated anyone as much as i hate myself.

The uglier i get however, the more beautiful my house becomes. i guess it's my fucked up way of compensating for myself.

Looking forward to helping D lay down the hardwood floors in the living room.
if we make it to the 27th, that is.

If this is the last post i ever get a chance to make i just want everyone to know that i tried...i tried to straighten myself out as best i could and i'm deeply sorry that i couldnt be perfect.

I can't wait to get my uncle out of the spare bedroom so i can have the space to set up my treadmill and easel and find a few things to fill in all of the time i wont be spending getting high and smoking cigarettes.

I really hope that tomorrow isn't the end of things, because there are so many things that i haven't done in life.
get married, and have a family, finish school and start my career, write a book and rock out all of these paintings that are stuck in my head.

i want to know what beautiful and thin and perfect feels like before my young life is ripped away from me.

parts of me cant help but think that D slept with someone else because i'm not pretty enough.
not small enough or sexy enough.

on another note, here are a few picures

                                                pee wee

                                               the front of my little house

                                                oh christmas tree

                                              living room decoration :)

family stockings. mommy, daddy, and pee wee titty 

This is a picture of one of my nieces, Cassidy, who everyone has told her whole life she looks like her aunt Amy

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like...

Well, D is off to work and i'm here by myself, watching (gasp) Jersey Shore.
They're fighting. Again.
The big one is all fucked up on that HGH and the Situation is all pain pilled out and they're about to go insane on each other.
And we are supposed to future of America?
Our children?

We decided not to spend all of our money on our nieces and nephews this year. The year before last we bought for D's four nieces and nephew, and then last year we spent a small fortune on my five nieces and nephew.

yeah, that's nine. From just my brother and his sister.
our siblings are fertile.

So I think he's gonna freak on Christmas morning :)
Honestly, after I was about 13 and my brother was moved out and it was just me and my mom, Christmas at our house was pretty bleak. It got to where we stopped putting up a tree or anything. My mom was going blind and couldn't see to drive around christmas shopping.

But after I found D, and he was so enthusiastic about the Holidays i started to find my Christmas spirit again. Even my mom was getting in on it.

I'm really excited to spend an entire week on Christmas vacation with him, and after Christmas we get to lay down the wood flooring our lanlord bought for our house :)

We've been talking about cutting back on the cigarettes, drinking, and crap so that we can get a new car. I'm         just tired of being broke because we're inviting over friends and entertaining three or four nights a week and buying alcohol, not to mention the pack of cigarettes we each smoke every day. I've been a pack a day smoker since i was 13 so...8 years, and i'm ready to quit so I can be around for a while. I don't want to have lung cancer, or not be able to do simple things because I can't breathe : /

So we'll see how the New Year's Resolution works.

Hope all is well in your homes.
Happy Holidays :)

xoxoxo
Daisy <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

The Last Week On Earth...

Hey Beautiful Ladies,

I've been doing my Christmas shopping, getting ready for the day we might not even see. Wouldn't that suck if i'm spending all of my money to get presents and decorations and shit for Christmas and the fiery gates of Hell open up on the 21st?

Thinking about throwing an End of the World Party, inviting over everyone we know and just getting drunk as fuck. Could be fun, We'll see.

Working in the morning, godda get up early.