but will someday come too soon?

it's getting to the point where i dont even want to be away from him.
when im with him i dont worry about anything or anyone.
when im with him im smiling and happy.
when im with him the world is okay again.
when he is away from him i miss him.
i love spending every second of every day with him.
i love him more than i was supposed to.
it started out as just being sex.
i was just supposed to use him.
but now my heart belongs to him.
my heart is sad when he is away.
who needs food when i have a love like this?
who needs nourishment from eating when all i need is to lay in his arms to feel whole again?
i need him more than i should.
i love him so much.
i dont even know if he understands how much i think about him.
how sad i am when he isnt right next to me.
how much i hope he feels the same way.
i remember talking about mark, and justin, and dylon.
but this is different.
this is real.
this is everything ive ever needed and more...
much more.
not a whole lot has changed between us since yesterday.
we went to senior awards night together last night, and he watched me accecpt my scholarship for art.
then we went to walmart and played around.
we went and parked at the park in his neighborhood and he let me draw a walrus on his penis.
it was cute, it had big confused eyes, and long tusks, and a bowtie.
i leaned over him and began to kiss him.
and he started tugging at the waistband of my pants.
we had sex in the back of his car in a public park.
and i let him come inside of me...again.
we have talked about what we would do if i was pregnant.
he says he isnt ready to have a kid.
and neither am i.
so i think what i would do is just give the kid up for adoption.
maybe we could have a baby together,
maybe we could make a life with one another.
maybe im just being naive.
i dont really know.
he says he's pro-choice.
but im not sure i am.
if i were to get an abortion, i would have to kill myself afterwards, and i really dont want to die.
mathew said that if i killed myself, he would kill himself.
but what good would that do?
i dont want to kill a person.
and that is exactly what getting an abortion is.
i will just keep my fingers crossed and hope that im not pregnant.
part of me doesnt want to be...
but part of me is excited to be a mommy.
it's what ive wanted since i was a little girl, pushing my dolly around in a stroller and dressing her up in little outfits and pretending she was crying and feeding her and putting her in the sink for a "bath".
i love kids.
and i want them someday.
but will someday come too soon?
keep your fingers crossed for me ladies.
i love you all.
cant wait to read your comments.
think thin, stay strong.
xoxoxo
amybear<3

oh...and we had sex.

i just wanna thank everyone for your comments.
i really appreciate all of you following me.
okay then,
so this weekend i worked extra hours to make money for all of my fines and bonds and stuff.
it really sucked.
the good news is my mom let me spend some extra time with mathew.
i ate dinner at his house on saturday night, and he came and picked me up after work yesterday morning and snuggled in my bed with me. (memorial day weekend. hope everyone had a great holiday!)
oh...and we had sex.
i went over to his house saturday morning and we layed together in his bed, kissing...and touching...and then we had this amazing, mind blowing sex that left me breathless.
then we took a walk to the park. and he pushed me against the railing of the playground and pulled up my sundress...
then we had sex again.
we went back to his house and layed together in his bed, he snuggled me until i fell asleep, then came and woke me up when his family was sitting down to dinner.
then i ate dinner with his family.
when you eat dinner with your boyfriends family, you cant be stupid and pile your plate full of food, but you dont want to insult his family either.
so i ate a slice of briskit (or however you spell it)
and a spoonfull of potato salad
a spoonfull of brocolli rice and cheese casarole (cant spell that word either)
and a piece of garlic bread
i skipped the barbequed sausage and the corn on the cob (didnt want to be picking corn out of my teeth, or drip or spill anything on myself)
then after dinner, mathew and i went on a short drive to a bookstore and just hung out until he drove me to work.
we spent sunday driving around and spending time together.
and then yesterday he came to see me at work right before i got off at 7 in the morning. he stayed and ate breakfast with me, and then we went back to my house and snuggled in my bed after we took a shower together. he couldnt keep his hands off of me.
he kept waking me up to have sex lol.
i love falling asleep with him next to me. he is so unbelievably warm! there is almost no need for a blanket when i snuggle with him.
he is an amazing snuggler.
i fall asleep so much easier when i have him there with me.
and when we dont fall asleep together in person, he will call me at night and talk to me until we both fall asleep on the phone.
he says he thinks im definately losing weight, and that it looks good on me.
he says he thinks its all the sex we're having, lol.
i feel amazing when im with him.
and that's all that counts.
well, i hope you all have enjoyed this post, comment me if you want.
i love you all.
think thin, stay strong.
xoxoxox
amybear <3

we are so happy for now.

so now that im back at school and everything is pretty much back to normal im pretty happy...me and mathew are doing pretty amazing. he even told me he loves me when i got out on monday and we were standing out at the back of the school, witing for my bus (my mom said i couldnt take the car to school because i was in trouble, that lasted all of about one day) and he was waiting with me, he was holding me really close, leaning against the wall, and he said
"there was something i was going to say to you when i saw you being taken away in handcuffs that day...i love you amy"
then he kissed me and held me even tighter.
we are so happy for now.
he keeps telling me that he wants to be with me forever and he will always love me...
it's only been 2 months...but im hoping he doesnt change his mind.
i really like this one.
lol.
as for eating?
i havent had anything but this piece of gum in my mouth right now.
yesterday i had a grilled chicken sandwich on a wheat bun with no mayonaise and extra pickles and then the day before that my mom made me eat chicken alfredo with brocolli with her.
ate about 3 bites before i stood up and told her i was sleepy.
gonna go get something small here in a little bit.
and maybe drink some water
trying to keep my intake to a bare minimum so i can stay cute for my extremely amazing, muscular boyfriend.
my period is almost over so you can bet that were going to be having amazing, crazy sex here in a day or so.
lol.
think thin ladies.
love you all
xoxoxoxoxoxo
amybear <3

k9 unit.

so you're never going to guess what happened to me this weekend.
it was me, mathew, our friend tray, and our friend laura in the car, tray was driving, mathew was sitting passenger and laura and i were in the back seat.
we went to some place called colombus Texas, stayed the night, and tripped our asses off on all kinds of drugs.
we were on the drive back, it had been raining all day, and we were tired and had been driving for what seemed like forever.
we were about 40 miles away from home, no longer than about 20 minutes or so, when we got pulled over by a k9 unit.
yup. the drug dog and his owner.
we had a black guy in the car in the middle of a super-racist town.
they checked the car and the black guy and i were both arrested and put in jail.
i just got out.
mommy dearest came and bailed me out.
my uncle tried to choke me.
i used to consider him like my father figure.
until he tried to rip my hair out, and grabbed my arm, and put his knee in my back.
this man is not a small man.
and i no longer consider him my family.
he is no longer invited to my graduation, no longer my uncle.
he is getting too far into business that doesnt have anything to do with him.
im 18 years old and he's trying to pry into business that isnt his.
im not going to invite my aunt either, considering the fact that she is a narc and a dumb bitch.
the only people invited to my graduation are my aunt di, my aunt urs, my mom, my dad, and my gramma. anyone on my dad's side of the family is invited...but my mom's side of the family isn't.
shit...i may not even walk accross the stage...i might just have a big dinner with my dad's side of the family.
jail was disgusting...and freezing. they gave us one blanket and no shoes.
i didnt eat for 2 days.
i lost 10 pounds.
im tired.
later everyone.

a little bit of thinspiration.

shirley manson.

maybe im just paranoid??

ugh!!
so theres this girl...
her name is kelsey but everyone calls her Red.
she was at the beach the night we rolled on x.
and her and my boyfriend tried to take a walk on the beach together.
i said no.
i think theyre just friends but im not sure.
she's always there.
this morning when i went to pick him up she walked out of his house, too.
and automatically i was in a bad mood.
but...he promised me he's been faithful.
maybe theyre just friends...
maybe i'm just paranoid??
i dont even know.
i really like Red...
she's a cool person...but she really should understand that there's a line.
she cant just hang out with my boyfriend all the time.
but also...i dont want to seem too overbearing.
i dont want her to come between me and mathew.
i dont know...
anyway, i havent eaten anything today.
not yet, anyway.
im thinking i might actually go to taco bell and get a taco salad...maybe.
i reeeeeally wanted subway last night.
maybe i'll go to subway.
ugh!
im so confused!
lol.
think thin ladies.
peace out.

hilary duff got all bony and shit. look!!