Saturday, December 31, 2011


gonna celebrate a great year and an awesome vacation
stay strong ladies.
it may be a while before i get a chance to post again, but i will be getting internet soon so dont fret!
happy new year everyone.

the sudden change in life

D. left to work on some shutters for a house with my dad.
so im here alone in the room with nannie in the living room and i thought id post a little bit.
first of all im really looking forward to getting my blog out there.
i really missed all of the girls i commented back and forth with a couple of years back and it makes me sad that theyre not blogging anymore.
so ive been cruising ana blogs and leaving comments and following a lot of new people so im hoping it works.
i never should have left lol.
im itching to get home to the south and get back to my diet.
i dropped 15 lbs in just a couple of months but i wouldnt be surprised if id gained it all back the way ive been eating up here
my dad loves food. and he takes me out to eat and is always making something and makes sure the kitchen stays stocked full of sweets and snacks.
i dont keep my house like that so its easier.
but what the hell, im on vacation.
i wont be getting another one for a long time, and i havent spent any time with my dad since i graduated from high school.
so im loosening up for the holidays.
but as soon as i get home its water fasting and master clensing for me you can be sure of that.
i dont know where this belly came from
one second i was thin and completely comfortable with my body, and the next im fucking 50 pounds heavier.
this blog was a big reason i stuck to it for so long
so im going to keep blogging, and diet like crazy as soon as i get home.
leave me comments lovleys

Friday, December 30, 2011

so i just now realized...

it's been waaaaaaaaay too long since my last round of posts!
i have 124 followers and not many of them have posted in years lol.
so i gave the page a face lift and decided to kind of.......promote myself?
im pimping my page out lol.
the support you girls give me helps in the fight against my thighs more than youll ever know.
and now that im only down to a few existing followers im begging you to pimp me out to some other girls who might have some good advice to give me along my journey.
its starting on the first.

here is a list of my new years resoloutions:
1. i will lose 70 pounds this year if it kills me
2. i will try the master clense
3. i will work out at least five times a week
4. i will keep it under 800 cals a day
5. i will post at least twice a week once i get my internet turned on at the house
6. i will stay on my diet pills
7. i will continue to drink 2.5 litres of water a day at least

i will stay focused on my goal. i have to. i cant do this anymore. its killing me that i cant keep my own promises to myself.
its seriously the most pathetic thing ive ever seen.
i can seem to push on and keep going when it comes to anything but losing weight.
i guess im just scared of losing D.
he means everything to me. and he has made it clear that he wont put up with any binge, purge, starve, restrict stuff.
but i have to make it work for myself.

i saw a picture of a friend from high school on facebook last night.
she looks like half the girl she used to be and im so jealous! lol
i cant wait to get back to being my old self again.
i miss looking good in all of my clothes, and feeling pretty.
i havent dressed up in months because it doesnt seem worth the time.
i know im gonna hate it anyway.
i feel huge.

weve been away on vacation in north texas visiting my brother and dad and my dad's side of the family, so D can get to know everyone, and everyone including my crazy grandmother has been amazing to us.
everyone here is so generous and nice.
it really feels like home.
its going to be hell waking up at 7 on monday and going back to work after a 6 hour car trip on sunday.
and not to mention im going to miss everyone so much!
we only get just 2 weeks of vacation a year and we have to split it up between his family and mine, so our vacation in the summer will probably be spent in tennesse (or however you spell it) with D's dad and stepmom.
so it will probably be next christmas by the time i make it up here again.
man being an adult sucks lol.

it seems like not that long ago i was sitting in my desk chair in computer class my senior year sipping diet coke and posting five days a week.
to be honest i really miss being able to focus on my diet 24 hours a day.
but its hard with work, and taking care of the house and cars. Not to mention all of the grocery shopping for my garbage disposal of a fiance lol.
we havent had internet due to lack of funds for a home computer, but now that my dad has given us one we should probably be hooked up by the week after next at the latest i hope.
but dont give up hope on me lol. i will be back as soon as i possibly can!
i miss and love you all

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

hello again lol

im starting to think maybe i had it all wrong in high school. maybe i was going about all of this the wrong way.
dennis and i will be together one year and eight months come january first,
and he knows about my sketchy dieting past, and saw the pictures of me when i was thin.
and he also made sure to tell me that he wont have any of "that throwing up crap" while were together
so its him or ed.
im at an astonishing weight.
so big and fucking fat i dont really feel comfortable posting it.
i hope you all understand.
and im looking for a way to lose weight that might not throw me into that frame of mind again.
but what he doesnt understand is that is really the only way i know how to do it.
you know?
im waiting for new years.
to give myself a fresh start, and a clean slate.
also, we got a computer for christmas and so ill be able to post more often.
that will definately keep my head in the game.
but im really going to try to do it without going too overboard
i really dont want to lose him.