Wednesday, March 25, 2009

im baaaaaaaaack....again! missed you all!!

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while now. I had this insane, crazy, unbelievable spring break. Forget about eating, all I did was drink and smoke. We spent every day last week fucked up. My mom finally decided it was time to go to the hospital the Friday before spring break and so I spent all of spring break with the apartment to myself. The party continues until she comes home about two weeks from now. You can believe that I will be spending the next two weekends fuuuuuuuuuucked uuuuuuuuuup. The only downfall of having the apartment all to myself is the fact that it gets so unbelievably lonely…
For the past few nights, Dylon and I have talked on the phone from 9p to 4a. he stays with me on the phone until I fall asleep. He makes me feel so complete…I told him that I don’t know what I would be doing to fall asleep if It wasn’t for him. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. Last night he sat on his laptop, and played me music from his project playlist while I fell asleep. He didn’t even care that I snore. I don’t know what I would do without my amazing boyfriend. Waaaaaaaaaaay too much shit has gone down over the past 2 weeks to sit here and type. My effing fingers would fall off. Im trying to stay inebriated, and haven’t been eating hardly at all. I have trouble waking up for school, and I get extremely lonely at night. I will be continuing this party until the time that my mom arrives home to me.
Okay, girlies
Stay strong
I love you all
Amybear <3

Monday, March 9, 2009

im baaaack. =)

i turned 18 friday, and i dont remember any of it. lmao.
got waaaaaaaay too messed up.
and didnt sleep for more than 2 days.
it was great.
i had phone sex with dylon a grand total of 6 times yesterday.
i dont know what it was with him,
but he wouldnt leave me alone.
at last, once it was about 2:30 in the morning (4 hours until i had to get up for school)
we had phone sex one last time and then he started to fall asleep on the phone.
i really love the way he breaths when he's sleeping.
deep, and slow, and really calm.
i havent eaten anything so far today,
probably only consumed 1000 calories over the past 4 days.
when one has vodka, one needs nothing else. (except marijuana!)
funny thing is, i dont get the munchies anymore.
anywho, im back now.
back with a vengance.
hope you all missed me
because i missed you all.
much love
stay strong

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Quick Update

almost forgot!
Friday is my 18th birthday!!!!!


all i can fucking do is eat.
im a worthless piece of shit who can only think about herself.
and im a disgusting fucking fat slob.
i'll never be beautiful.
i log on and get to read posts about how all of you are doing so well.
and all i can think about is "where the hell did my willpower go?"
i cant stop making excuses for myself.
i hate my body.
how does dylon even look at me?
is he blind?