hello everyone,
i hope your holidays went okay.
mine went alright besides some of the drinking i did the other night.
we didnt even do anything for christmas
no presents or awkward christmas dinner
good for me though.
anyway
i want to thank everyone for their support
if anyone wants to get in touch with me,
just send an email to rainbowsanddaisies@yahoo.com
dont hesitate!
love you all dearly.
hoping you all have an amazing new year1
mwuah!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
thank you for all of your support!!
sitting here.
at the library hoping no one is looking over my shoulder,
just want to thank you all for your support.
fell off my wagon and felt like shit for a couple of days.
but im back on now.
i looked at myself in the mirrior today and smiled for the first time in forever...
and i smiled.
i can feel hipbones,
and my face is so much thinner,
im so sick of being the one with the chubby cheeks.
im not that girl anymore.
and i owe it all to ana.
i ate an apple with about a tablespoon of peanutbutter today.
so that i would have the energy to walk here
its a pretty long walk.
been smoking cigarettes and drinking water to control my cravings.
i feel amazing and...clean today
i love it.
i can feel my stomach getting flatter, and my ribcage starting to show a little.
this is an amazing feeling.
people look when i walk past them
and i like that.
my boyfriend smiled when i was walking around in my bra this morning, looking for a shirt to go with my pants
i turned to him "what's that big smile for?"
he shrugged his shoulders..."nothing. i was just thinking that i have the most beautiful girlfriend in the entire world."
he was definately rewarded for that compliment.
i hear sex burns calories anyway.
hee hee.
im finally happy for the first time since i can remember
why would i screw it up by eating?
at the library hoping no one is looking over my shoulder,
just want to thank you all for your support.
fell off my wagon and felt like shit for a couple of days.
but im back on now.
i looked at myself in the mirrior today and smiled for the first time in forever...
and i smiled.
i can feel hipbones,
and my face is so much thinner,
im so sick of being the one with the chubby cheeks.
im not that girl anymore.
and i owe it all to ana.
i ate an apple with about a tablespoon of peanutbutter today.
so that i would have the energy to walk here
its a pretty long walk.
been smoking cigarettes and drinking water to control my cravings.
i feel amazing and...clean today
i love it.
i can feel my stomach getting flatter, and my ribcage starting to show a little.
this is an amazing feeling.
people look when i walk past them
and i like that.
my boyfriend smiled when i was walking around in my bra this morning, looking for a shirt to go with my pants
i turned to him "what's that big smile for?"
he shrugged his shoulders..."nothing. i was just thinking that i have the most beautiful girlfriend in the entire world."
he was definately rewarded for that compliment.
i hear sex burns calories anyway.
hee hee.
im finally happy for the first time since i can remember
why would i screw it up by eating?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
ok. so this is how it goes.
i stayed at crystals last night.
and we drove to houston to party. but the whole night all she did was complain.
yeah, i understand that her family is getting evicted, but even SHE said that she
wasnt going to let that get in the way of her having a good time.
so it completely sucked.
we went back to her house 2 hours earlier than expected, and i fell asleep.
i did pretty damn good yesterday
i had the yogurt- 50 cals
and then i had about 6 bottles of water
i split a salad with crystal (i gave her all of the chicken, the tomatoes, and the dressing.)
and at about 6 i ate one of those fresco bowls from taco bell, half of it was only about 150 calories
not to mention a diet coke.
i really felt like i wanted to throw up after we left taco bell, but because it would have invlolved sticking my fingers down my throat, i couldnt.
didnt want crystal to see anything.
but i made up for it today.
there was a binge of some leftover chinese, followed by a brownie, and a diet coke.
the rest is history.
not to mention i walked to the library and back (about a mile either way)
and will be walking to the store later.
im not sure how often i will be posting during christmas vacation, but i promise that it will be back up to every day once school starts again.
i wouldnt want to let everyone down now would i? =)
im planning on just steering clear of food for the rest of the day.
i will be water fasting for three days come monday, wish me luck!!!
i can feel it coming off, someone told me yesterday that i was adorable.
makes you feel good.
i talked to my boyfriend last night about my "diet" and he was all "Amy, i dont want you to think that just because im really tall and skinny, you have to be like me, i love you no matter what." he also managed to throw in there that "if i wanted to lose weight, he wasnt going to stop me"
dylon is 6 feet, 4 inches, and weighs 150 pounds
and im not supposed to compete with that.
i love him though, hes an amazing person.
im inviting anyone reading this to follow me,
i could use a support net.
just to keep me going when it's really hard, ya know?
so just click the little button!!!
comment me if you want, i always love reading what you have to say!
oh, and thanks for the advice and support on my last post.
love you all
i bid the farewell for now.
AmyBear
and we drove to houston to party. but the whole night all she did was complain.
yeah, i understand that her family is getting evicted, but even SHE said that she
wasnt going to let that get in the way of her having a good time.
so it completely sucked.
we went back to her house 2 hours earlier than expected, and i fell asleep.
i did pretty damn good yesterday
i had the yogurt- 50 cals
and then i had about 6 bottles of water
i split a salad with crystal (i gave her all of the chicken, the tomatoes, and the dressing.)
and at about 6 i ate one of those fresco bowls from taco bell, half of it was only about 150 calories
not to mention a diet coke.
i really felt like i wanted to throw up after we left taco bell, but because it would have invlolved sticking my fingers down my throat, i couldnt.
didnt want crystal to see anything.
but i made up for it today.
there was a binge of some leftover chinese, followed by a brownie, and a diet coke.
the rest is history.
not to mention i walked to the library and back (about a mile either way)
and will be walking to the store later.
im not sure how often i will be posting during christmas vacation, but i promise that it will be back up to every day once school starts again.
i wouldnt want to let everyone down now would i? =)
im planning on just steering clear of food for the rest of the day.
i will be water fasting for three days come monday, wish me luck!!!
i can feel it coming off, someone told me yesterday that i was adorable.
makes you feel good.
i talked to my boyfriend last night about my "diet" and he was all "Amy, i dont want you to think that just because im really tall and skinny, you have to be like me, i love you no matter what." he also managed to throw in there that "if i wanted to lose weight, he wasnt going to stop me"
dylon is 6 feet, 4 inches, and weighs 150 pounds
and im not supposed to compete with that.
i love him though, hes an amazing person.
im inviting anyone reading this to follow me,
i could use a support net.
just to keep me going when it's really hard, ya know?
so just click the little button!!!
comment me if you want, i always love reading what you have to say!
oh, and thanks for the advice and support on my last post.
love you all
i bid the farewell for now.
AmyBear
Friday, December 19, 2008
feeling proud of something i should be ashamed of...maybe.
i dont feel disgusted.
i had a bad eating day.
i had a sandwich, and some other stuff, so when i got home, i had my first successful purge in the
shower. i was happy about it.
i felt...clean inside.
like it didnt even really matter anymore.
i felt like everything was going to be ok.
it was....comforting.
i now have a dirty secret.
it was sad because i was proud of it, and there was no one to tell.
you cant just pick up your cell phone and say "hey, i just threw up, congratulate me."
uh...no.
i wish i had a pro ed friend =(
on a happier note, today, all ive had is two bottles of water, and a few bites of yogurt at breakfast yay for me. hee hee.
im going to try to keep the trend going today, im going to drink another bottle of water.
and maybe eat half a salad at lunch or something.
i might see if i cant purge up something after school.
no matter how little i eat, i still feel full.
i really want to get rid of it.
i had a bad eating day.
i had a sandwich, and some other stuff, so when i got home, i had my first successful purge in the
shower. i was happy about it.
i felt...clean inside.
like it didnt even really matter anymore.
i felt like everything was going to be ok.
it was....comforting.
i now have a dirty secret.
it was sad because i was proud of it, and there was no one to tell.
you cant just pick up your cell phone and say "hey, i just threw up, congratulate me."
uh...no.
i wish i had a pro ed friend =(
on a happier note, today, all ive had is two bottles of water, and a few bites of yogurt at breakfast yay for me. hee hee.
im going to try to keep the trend going today, im going to drink another bottle of water.
and maybe eat half a salad at lunch or something.
i might see if i cant purge up something after school.
no matter how little i eat, i still feel full.
i really want to get rid of it.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
hunger pains?
i skipped my economics final.
i was having these teribble period cramps.
so im pretty proud of myself as of yesterday.
ive been trying to keep it under 700 calories a day
and i think im doing pretty well
as long as i stick to baby carrots and water for the rest of the day i should be ok
i ate a sammich this morning-250
milk-100
and juice-50
400 calories right there
and then i ate a poptart to make crystal happy.
but i skipped dinner last night, and filled up on water and cigarettes, so im doing good
ill do the same tonight.
i think i might do yogurt and half an apple for breakfast tomorrow, and maybe a salad for lunch, and skip dinner,
i have to make up for lost time.
im going to buy a scale today!!!
im really excited.
wish me luck!!
on another subject
im done with adam.
hes been screwing around on me with another friend of his sisters
i cant believe that i was going to leave my boyfriend for him!
god im such an idiot when it comes to guys.
what a douche.
i was having these teribble period cramps.
so im pretty proud of myself as of yesterday.
ive been trying to keep it under 700 calories a day
and i think im doing pretty well
as long as i stick to baby carrots and water for the rest of the day i should be ok
i ate a sammich this morning-250
milk-100
and juice-50
400 calories right there
and then i ate a poptart to make crystal happy.
but i skipped dinner last night, and filled up on water and cigarettes, so im doing good
ill do the same tonight.
i think i might do yogurt and half an apple for breakfast tomorrow, and maybe a salad for lunch, and skip dinner,
i have to make up for lost time.
im going to buy a scale today!!!
im really excited.
wish me luck!!
on another subject
im done with adam.
hes been screwing around on me with another friend of his sisters
i cant believe that i was going to leave my boyfriend for him!
god im such an idiot when it comes to guys.
what a douche.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
pefection.
sitting here at this "celebration" for the special ed kids in this art class,
they have all of the crap im not allowed.
cookies, cake, chips, and lots of soda and other crap
i ate an animal cracker
i binged on chocolate earlier
i have to go home, drink some water, and try to purge in the shower.
going to be perfect one day.
my ribs will show.
they have all of the crap im not allowed.
cookies, cake, chips, and lots of soda and other crap
i ate an animal cracker
i binged on chocolate earlier
i have to go home, drink some water, and try to purge in the shower.
going to be perfect one day.
my ribs will show.
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