serious conversations with the person i didnt expect to love...ever.

so we talked yesterday...he asked me why i care about him and i didnt quite have an answer. he tends to be so critical. im not sure why i care about him. yeah, because hes my boyfriend, but WHY DO I CARE ABOUT HIM...
1.) because he makes me laugh. i could be having the worst day on earth, and he without even trying, he can completely crack me up.
2.) because hes completely himself at any moment of any day.
3.) because he cares about me, the feeling is mutual.
4.) he's passionate about things.
5.) he loves his "gramma"
6.) he doesnt spend all of his time calling and texting me, he actually has a life outside of me
7.) he isnt so sweet all the time that i could vomit, he has his sweet moments, which make them that much more special
8.) he feels the same way i do
9.) ive seen him as a friend before, so things are a lot less awkward.
10.) i have hope for us.

these are all of the reasons why i love him and care about him, and all of the stuff that i thought about waaaay too late. lol. oh well.
i love having conversations with him, because he actually has opinions, and we can actually have an intelligent conversation.
and yet, in the midst of all of the drama, and the anger, and the criticism, there is the sweetest, most honest, most amazing person ive ever met.



i havent talked to mark in what feels like forever...he texts me back every now and then ,but his excuse is that hes "busy". im almost sure hes ignoring me, but im not sure i even care anymore, i havent found the time to finish the great gatsby, i actually turned in the copy i got from the library today, it was overdue anyway, i read the last lines...i tend to do that with every book i read. flip to the end and read the ending...that way i know whats going to happen. but like the dragon in "grendel'' said, knowing something is going to happen, doesnt make it your fault. doesnt mean that you were some part of making it happen. the dragon in grendel reminded me a little of Mark, actually. theres a song by secondhand serenade that reminds me of him, also. i think ill post it up here. i cant say that i dont miss talking to mark as a friend, but the fact that i know that he would try to be more scares me. because i wouldnt hurt dylon like that.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past"