making mistakes and cleaning up messes.

last night...was


bad.
that's all i have to say.
something happened.
i had been so good all day.
had eaten a small lunch, and wasnt even all that hungry.



and then i got home.
and all of a sudden...
i let my mom get to me.


i dont know if ive talked much about how sick my mom is.
mainly because i dont like to talk about it.
she's gained about 100 pounds in fluid all over her body, and she doesnt do anything at all.
she cant even move without breathing hard.
well...it's getting to where she cant get to the bathroom as easily as she used to be able to.
so she...had an accident.


i spent a couple of hours cleaning it up.
and crying.
i went to the store...and i bought three of these 8 packs of fun sized candy bars
i sat in my car...
and i ate all 24 of them.
i sat in my car, and ate 3000 calories worth of chocolate, listened to seconhand serenade, smoked, and cried like a pathetic loser.
and then dylon called exactly at 9 (as soon as he got free minutes)
because i had been texting him.
telling him everything.
i had to.


i almost made the mistake of breaking up with him last night
"im going to be here for you...forever...amy...im never going to leave you alone"