Saturday, October 6, 2012

Because Today Is A New Day....and Today I Am a New Person

Ive been feeling myself approaching a lot of changes in my life. I got my first tattoo last weekend, two daisies hugged around the words "all you need is love" and a few hearts and stars on my foot. It hurt a lot less than i was expecting, but it still hurt like hell. The same weekend i dyed my hair for the first time in more than six years, bleached the dark brown blonde on the bottom layers, and darkened the top layers to black. I feel myself changing and i feel like i should change my look to match. Every day is a new day, and this morning i woke up at six thirty, after a night of drinking and partying with some of my closest friends, and decided that i will not be the same person i have spent the last two and a half years of my life being. i will be the girl that Dennis deserves. The girl he wants to take out and show off. It is almost noon and i have had nothing but a large cup of coffee and a glass of diet coke. i will probably drink a cappuccino slim fast shake and eat a few baby carrots for lunch just to keep my metabolism up, and then hold out for dinner. a few pieces of baked chicken breast and some steamed veggies. living with a man that inhales half a gallon of ice cream, or two or three double cheeseburgers at a time can be challenging for a my position. not to mention my uncle, who is staying with us for now, keeps bringing home things like hot wings, and candy. the dieting thing was much much easier when it was just me and my blind mother, who couldnt tell if i hadnt eaten in three days. i have to do this for myself though. and when i do, i will get another tattoo. the words quod me nutrit, me destruit accross the bottom of my stomach, to remind me every time i look in the mirrior exactly what i am working so hard for. i will smoke when i am hungry, i will drink water when i feel a binge coming on. i will not let this get in my way of happiness anymore. it stops today ladies. i promise.

water fast tomorrow. to get rid of some of the bloat.
exercise classes next week :)


  1. Just read your blog. I knoe exactly how you feel! I live with my bf and dieting/starving is so hard to do when he is always wanting to make dinners and stuff every single night! I usually say I wasnt able to eat dinner till late at work. But it only works so many times.

    Anyway, I can't wait to read more of your blogs. :) <3

  2. Please don't get that tattooed. Not only will you out yourself constantly and thereby bring even more attention to your lack of eating, but - speaking as someone who has many tattoos and works in a tattoo shop - you will regret having a tattoo with negative connotations. The ink will follow you for the rest of your life. Do you really want to have to explain the latin over and over? Or be likened to Angelina Jolie every time you wear a bathing suit?

    I know it sounds like a really good idea, because it will help keep you motivated ... but I truly think it will just fuel your self-hatred. I know it's meaningful to you right now, but remember that you will have to tell your children why you got that tattooed; wouldn't you rather have something positive, that can change with you and the person you might become?

    1. honestly, youve made an extremely valid point. i hadnt even really thought about the fact that angelina jolie had the same thing tattoed. and i really dont want to be compared to that lol. thank you so much for the advice :)