Wednesday, December 17, 2008

writing a letter...

im writing a letter to dylon, ive got about 8 pages so far.
i havent talked to adam lately, im hoping he comes around.
all ive eaten today is a sausage, pancake on a stick thingy, some juice, and a few drinks of milk.
i cant wait until my side stops hurting so i can start working out again.
i think it may be my appendix
i need to buy a scale soon.
im staying after for art class today until 7.
is it sad that now, when i know that food is going to be in a situation, i get scared?
i know that the art teacher is going to order pizza, and that scares me.
i knew that they would be throwing a party in homeroom today, and that there would be food, and they did,
i did good though.
i figured that since i'd eaten breakfast, i didnt need any of that crap that the teacher was giving out.
chips, cookies, candy, bagels with cream cheese, coke, and popcorn
all kinds of crap.
i had to keep telling myself that i would never be thin, and i would never be pretty if i ate that.
yesterday, my english teacher passed out brownies. but i held out like a good girl.
i ate a salad for lunch.
and a plate of veggies for dinner.
christmas vacation is coming up here soon.
come friday ill be out for 2 weeks,
im hoping i will be able to get away from all of this junk food, and get some water down my throat.
then there's christmas...
dear lord. im terrefied.
"eat to live, dont live to eat."
i have to keep telling myself that.
i feel really guilty, i should have just eaten the damn cereal instead of a fucking pancake thing.
i feel disgusting.
god i want to work out again, i loved the feeling of being out of breath and tired from running.
i miss that.
my plan for tomorrow:
breakfast: half an apple, and half a cup of yogurt...drink a bottle of water
lunch: grilled chicken salad 1/4 cup of low fat italian dressing, diet coke....drink a bottle of water
dinner: brocolli, baby carrots, keep it under 200 cals....drink two bottles of water before bed.

i will be trying desperately to decrease the amount of calories i eat, and increase the amount of water i drink every day.
gw1: 115
gw2: 105
ugw: 99

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