Thursday, May 7, 2009

my broken little heart jumped for joy.

so im a dumbass...
i broke up with dylon for the possibility of finding love a little closer to home.
i cheated on him with with mathew.
i gave up a lot for mathew.
and then....last night...
he broke up with me.
"did you honestly think it was gonna last forever? it's just another relationship"
he said that to me...
it wasnt the fact that he broke up with me...
it was the way he acted like he didnt care hat i had given up so much for him.
the love of my life.
i wasted gas money and time on him.
and he doesnt even seem to give a shit.
"i want to be friends" he said to me.
so guess what my dumbass did?
went to pick him up for school this morning.
he walked up to me, and rubbed my back. and he's been giving me these really tight hugs all day.
do you do that to a friend?
im so confused.
maybe i just miss the sex...
i dont know.
i wish i wasnt so stupid... that i didnt get all caught up so fast. i wish i didnt tend to fall so hard.
i called dylon last night after mathew broke up with me...and he talked to me.
and he told me that i was too good for that guy anyway.
and we talked for a while.
it was...amazing.
and then...right before i went to sleep...
i got a text message
from dylon.
my little broken heart jumped for joy.
i dont have anything left in me.
im just...tired.
suicide seems like such an easy way out when you cant seem to handle everything else.
anyone got any tips on how to kill myself the right way?
better get going.

1 comment:

  1. Hun, things are rough but you shouldn't think that way.
    Don't kill yourself, life can be so perfectly beautiful if you give it a chance.
    Give it time, things will work out.
    Stay strong