Thursday, January 22, 2009

2 weeks.

god im such a fat ass. yesterday i binged all day!
i ate the soup, and then went and got a snack wrap with extra lettuce and grilled chicken around am, downed a diet coke, and was fine until lunch, when i ate some spaghetti, a roll, and brocolli, then, after school, at work, i ate a ham sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and pickle, and then when i got home, i drank some broth.
today, so far, ive had a ham egg and cheese biscuit, some milk, and 50 calories of juice. i'll skip lunch, go straight to work after school, and wait until i get home to mix some of the broth in the pantry with some of the broth in the fridge, and heat it up for dinner. maybe ill throw in some boiled veggies or something.
tomorrow, i hope to keep breakfast down to maybe a graham cracker, and maybe some milk and juice. i feel bad about not eating breakfast because i know that it makes everything work better in there.
so i always eat breakfast.
anyway, so ill eat the graham cracker for breakfast, skip lunch, and eat at home, maybe a lean cuisine, something small, maybe a plate of veggies, i dunno. just enough so i can sleep.
wish i wasnt so fat and disgusting.
dylon update: ok, so he's packing to leave for Pana, Illinois. to live with his grandma and look for work before college. he's leaving me. i wont speak to him, i dont even know if were still technically "together" anymore. considering the fact that we havent said a word to each other all day. i hate that he's leaving me, when he called me yesterday, he was sniffling and about to cry. saying that he's never been so afraid to lose someone. i dont think he knows that he's one of the main reasons for my ed. him and myself that is. i love him more than ive ever loved anyone. but i dont know if i can suffer through a long distance relationship. to answer the question can i just go with him, i dont think so. i have so much here, my mom is sick, and theres school, and work, and my friends and family. why move 800 (actually its 794, i googled it) miles away to be with a guy who thinks i talk too much? i mean,i know i do and everything, but hes supposed to be my boyfriend. the truth is, i have something for him for before he leaves. i went to this little shop a few towns over and bought some lingere. and i'll even go out and eat with him, if he wants me to. he leaves in 2 weeks! that's just not long enough. why does god hate me? how come every time i find someone i love, god takes them away? why do i have to starve myself to be skinny? why cant i eat like a normal person?
life sucks.
i guess ill just have to suck it up right?
more in just a little while.
love you all

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad that you like my comments. I enjoy your posts, gives me a little bit of nonsocial-socialness lol!
    I always eat breakfast too. Gets the metabolism flowing.
    Love always seems to leave me too. I guess it's because everything in life is constantly changing. We're all brought up to want something that lasts forever, but nothing does last forever. So pretty much, we're all screwed! ha.
    I've assumed that this community here on blogspot was full of people who enjoy their ana, but from this post I gather that maybe you don't? And you know, either way, it's okay.