just have to keep trying. i cant focus on the things that matter to me anymore. all i keep thinking about is how good the food in front of me looks. since ive already screwed up for the week, i figured i would get a steak finger basket for dinner, and feel like complete shit for the rest of the day. since my boyfriend is leaving me in 3 days, i figure i dont have to impress anyone anymore. i want to eat. i wish that this shit had never come into my life. i wish that i could sit down to a meal and actually ENJOY it. not think about how many cals are in everything im eating. i took 8 relacores yesterday, and im going to go half and half on a bottle of expensive diet pills with Jessica the label says "intented for the severly overweight, not the casual dieter"
i guess you could call me severly overweight.
im so depressed.
im fucking my boyfriend like crazy because i dont know when im going to be able to do it again is.
its phone sex from here on out buddy!
i hate my life.