Friday, January 30, 2009

my rant.

just have to keep trying. i cant focus on the things that matter to me anymore. all i keep thinking about is how good the food in front of me looks. since ive already screwed up for the week, i figured i would get a steak finger basket for dinner, and feel like complete shit for the rest of the day. since my boyfriend is leaving me in 3 days, i figure i dont have to impress anyone anymore. i want to eat. i wish that this shit had never come into my life. i wish that i could sit down to a meal and actually ENJOY it. not think about how many cals are in everything im eating. i took 8 relacores yesterday, and im going to go half and half on a bottle of expensive diet pills with Jessica the label says "intented for the severly overweight, not the casual dieter"
i guess you could call me severly overweight.
im so depressed.
im fucking my boyfriend like crazy because i dont know when im going to be able to do it again is.
its phone sex from here on out buddy!
i hate my life.

1 comment:

  1. For some reason the follow thing hasn't been working for your blog.
    I'm sorry to hear about how horrible you've been feeling. Maybe someday you can enjoy eating again, have you thought about looking into getting help? (I'm sorry if that sentence is annoying, I try not to say stupid things like that but have made an exception in your case.)
    *Hugs* I hope you feel better soon.