i hate weekends...

my class ring is too big for my finger, like...waaay too big. my ex girlfriend looked at me today and said ''dude, when did you lose all that weight?''
i didny used to like my fingers, they were fat and...gross.
not so much like that any more.
im paying for it though.
i have a killer headache, i ate a pig in the blanket and two little orange juice things this morning and its starting to go away now.
i spent the entire weekend eating, but im trying the whole calorie shifting thing, so i decided im going to be extremely strict on myself during the week, like...anywhere from 200 to 300 calories a day, and then eat more like 900 calories a day on the weekends.
ate probably 1500 calories on Saturday
a mcdonalds breakfast burrito, a big movie theatre pickle, an entire package of graham crackers and a bowl of ramen noodles.
but for some reason my weight hasnt changed.
-shrugs-
oh well.
ate less yesterday, but still quite a bit.
been really craving pickles lately.
got one of those big jars of the really big really sour pickles and ive eaten about 6 of them.
the vinegar in them is supposedly a natural laxative, and i read some stuff about how people go on diets where they eat nothing but pickles and have lost weight.
my mom said something about how she thinks im pregnant.
i almost cried.
Dylon has been pretty straight forward about the fact that he doesnt want kids now, any time soon, or maybe not at all. he told me that he wouldnt know what he would do if i told him i was pregnant. i prayed last night that im not.
ive done a lot of thinking.
ive always wanted to be a mommy, just not at 17. and Dylon just turned 19.
but as far back as i can remember we've always been very careful.
but there's always that chance, ya know?
i think my stomach is just fucked up.
anyway,
my hair is falling out,
almost every time i run my fingers through my hair, at least 15 or 16 strands fall out
im shedding, and its all over the place.
dylon noticed that too. he looked at me the other day, ran his fingers through my hair, and shook his hand.
"what the hell, Amy? your hair is coming out."
i shrugged and told him that i think its from stress.
anyone know of any good thickening shampoos and conditioners?
my body is taking shape fairly well.
im still a whale, just not as big of a whale as i was.
once i get down to something not completely horrifying i will share some pictures, ok?
today, i think i might just eat a yogurt or something for dinner.
its really wierd, lately, since the holiday and everything, i get really sad and lonely as soon as it starts to get dark, and i dont want to be alone, i couldnt sleep last night because it was cold, and i was really lonely, so i went into the living room, my head pounding from my horibble headache that ive had for almost 2 days now. and curled up under the snuggly blanket next to my mom om the couch.
"im lonely"
my mom looked at me
"why?"
i shrugged
"i dunno"
but i dont even know why i went in there, as soon as she got the chance, she started arguing with me,
"that was really rude what you did earlier, completely ignoring me when you were on the phone with dylon, im your mother, and i was speaking to you"
"its rude to talk to someone while they're on the phone"
"it sounded like he was getting mad at you for not listening to him, i heard you tell him 'i am listening!' "
its true, he gets mad at me when im on the phone with him, and i dont give him my complete attention, but its rude to try to have a conversation with someone when theyre in the middle of a conversation with someone else, and she never wants to talk to me unless shes bitching at me, asking me to do something for her, or on the phone with someone else.
and everyone wonders why i smoke!
anyway, as always, thanks for everyone's support, leave me some comments, i looove getting everyones feedback!
stay strong
think thin girlies!
mwuah! kisses!
amybear <3