Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Im writing this on a word document because the stupid school internet is being gay.
(I’ll copy and paste later)
Anywho, I thought I would share with everyone how my pro-ana lifestyle came to be.
Ive been on and off of diets since I was about 11. ive always been overweight.
I would vow to lay off of the crap food, and start exercising more, this would last all of about a week, and then I was right back to the potato chips, snack cakes, and pizza.
Then I met Dylon.
We have been friends for a couple of years now, and id always had this huge crush on him. Tall, skinny, and broody with a 9 inch Mohawk and a bad attitude.
Did I mention tall and skinny? REALLY skinny.
We met at school, and our friendship became close, we confided in each other, and I can still hear the words “I wont date a girl who looks like she weighs as much or more than I do.”
At that point, Dylon weighed 162. So off I went, on a casual diet, to lose weight so that Dylon would give me a second glance as more than just a friend.
I lost some weight, and people started to comment, “wow! You look amazing! How did you do it? You’ve lost so much weight!”
I kept dieting. And then I came across a pro ana website…actually, I googled it. No reason to beat around the bush here.
i became obsessed with being thin, i made a thinspo book, and then i turned my blog from just an every day account of a teenage girls life, to a completely ana obsessed site. do i regret it? not one bit. i have lost 30 pounds in the past 4 months and i dont plan on stopping any time soon. when i tell people i still want to lose 30 more pounds, they look at me funny. like "from where?".
i like that.
anyway, Dylon called me last night, but i didnt answer. the voicemail he sent went a little something like this
"uh...hey amybear, its me, just calling to see what's up. didnt see you today, i guess if i dont hear from you today, ill give you a call tomorrow...i...i love you amy...goodnight."
he used his sweet little boy voice...i hate it when he does that.
yesterday i went to dinner with Raymond, we shared a plate of brocolli beef (he got the beef, i got the brocolli) we ate with chopsticks (i was eating extremely slow, and taking lots of drinks from my diet coke).
it was alright, i havent eaten much since 7 pm yesterday
one cup of progresso chicken and rice soup. apparently it has 0 weight watchers points, and 60 calories per serving, i ate a serving about 3 this morning, because my stomach was killing me, and i drank some lime flavored, carbonated water. its wierd, used to be id have to eat the whole can of soup, and still not feel completely full, now, i eat half a can, and feel satisfied, and even full. it's wierd. i definately dont mind it though. lol.
thinking i might head out to get something this next class period, skip psycology class and maybe go get a can of soup or something at wal mart. sounds good. =)
will probably hear from dylon after work today, still not entirely sure i will be answering his phone calls. considering the fact that im still unbelievable peeved at him.
we'll see though,
i am NOT going to take any money with me to work today, i will NOT let myself binge eat on fried crap. i will NOT get back into that habit again.
woke up this morning, and my tummy was flat and pretty, im afraid to eat because i dont want to screw that up =(
remember ladies, think thin, stay safe, and starve on!
ps. thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post. i really do love all of the support!